Times youve been Dim/stupid...

Haha I think everyone has called a teacher mam before.Im going to try and bring the Benni Benassi subject up in coversation with my mates tonight and see if I can convince them Benny Benassi is steven Hawkings producer name lol

Love it!!! I have a friend who would say something like that.

A lass at work recently had a dentists appointment.

She picked up the 'trial sized' toothpaste her mam had left for her, to allow a quick brush before getting into the chair.

The daft bint had picked up her dad's fixident, and brushed her teeth with denture glue just before getting in the chair.

Now thats Dumb!

Or, same lass... Went to the opticians, did remarkably well on the tests/examinations until she shared with the optician she still had her contact lenses in her eyes!

When I was younger (about 7/8) I climbed over the chairs at the swimming baths. With my legs not being very long I promptly stood on the back of one of the chairs and fell (hard) straddling the back of the chair, causing internal bleeding in one of my nuts, and it swelled up like a football.

That fucking well hurt

ayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaz!

Ouch!

I dived off the boards they put in place for races - hit the bottom like a stone and cracked my head wide open. They had to drain the entire Hebburn pool.

Due to all the blood I had pensioners running through the water away from me like the scene from Porkies when there is a turd in the pool.

Couldnt stitch the void so they glued my head!

During the World Cup a few years ago my lass asked me where Paul Scholes was from. When I told her he was a Mancunian, she said "How come he's playing for England then?"

Im pissing myself laughing at this thread.

I cant think of any dumb things Iv said or done

Good to know that a lot of us are absolutely thick as fuck

edit: Another swimming pool related idiotic moment; dived face first into the small pool and smashed my face off the floor cracking my tooth in the process, my Dad pissing himself at me whilst i searched for the missing part...

We've all had issues with bints- My ex use to come out with some corkers, like 'wheres King Kong being held...is he still alive?'. Her Geography wasn't too good either; 'What country is Portugal in?' 'Is Berlin near the equator' . :bang: :bang: :bang:

love this thread

called me boss, dad once infront of the whole staff

i was taking a mate to work once and had the indiana jones boxset in me car she preceeded to tell me she had seen raiders of the lost ark and the temple of doom but hadnt heard of the one called 'bonus features' before.

my kids ex honestly didnt know that christmas was meant to be jesus' birthday

Another corker from my mates lass he got her coke by an accident from McDonalds and she doesnt like it so he told her just to leave it in the car while they went shopping her reply was "Dur, its got ice in so itl overflow when it melts in the hot car". Oh dear

The same lass as above was playing Connect four with her little brother and asked him "How many do you have to get in a row to win?" No shit. You couldnt write material like that, blonde as fuck!

I have had the arguement many a time that a drink will not overflow if it has ice in it. Really winds me up because people think I'm wrong when I am right!!!!

My lass is the Manager of a travel agents. Which makes her quote 10x worse.

Im shocking at Geography! Also once said whilst watching Cadburys gorilla advert 'do you think thats just a man in a suit' but like I didnt actually mean it, it just came out. I was just trying to say it looked good thats all :blush:

Yeah my lass made comments that implied she thought the gorilla on the cadburys advert was actually real.

I also told her about a funny video on the net from Who wants to be a millionaire in france.. Where the guy says that the Sun orbits the earth because more than half the audience said so..

So i asked her the same question. and she said the sun orbits the earth, thats how it goes from night to day.. when the sun is around the back...

god knows what she did through school

I went out with my mam ages ago for tea, she had about 6 baileys, when I asked her how we were getting home she said she would driving

Me - "Mam you have had 6 Baileys, of course you aren't driving!"
Mam - "Don't be daft, theres no alcohol in Baileys!"