Pulling Sickies

i hate the "shhhhhhhh be quiet" moment at after partys when ppl ring in work.

This was at 1 in the afternoon on a random tuesday!! Nobody had even been out the night b4, he just sort of lived on the couch for about 3 days!!!

Ive never rang in sick!

ive heard some fuckin outrageous excuses tho!

i wil probably be on a stage 2 sick disciplinary at work this week, i would say 90% of my sick is for genuine reasons, but 10% i am in no fit state to go to work but i am not sick as such.....

last year i was really ill once a month i would come home from work and would start throwing up and then the arse would start twitching for runny shit at the same time...guaranteed once a month and so i woulld be off work

HENCE MY POSSIBLE STAGE 2 DISCIPLINARY!!!

i have had some horiffic things happen to me why i cant come into work/late

getting stopped by the police for littering by throwing a tab out the window

having the whole metro stopped and checked by chekkies

forgetting my pass and having to go to the main entrance and them taking ages

huge accident coming in to work - were you not caught up in that?

lost keys,

lost family members,

lost dogs

dont even ring in - "What are you on about- i put in for a holiday ages ago - im in leeds"

don't even ring in - sometimes they dont even notice im not there

dont even bat an eyelid when you are late - when they ask tell them you are on time having set your watch differently

mention a family member is unwell with some horiffic viral infection - phone up next day coming down with the same dreadful virus.

dodgy food - shits

i just try to make it sound as random as possible - the more unbelievable - the more believable i say lol

forgot to mention - put loads of irrelavant detail in - like the copper that pulled you was the double of that lass at work

or

my shit was green and it hurt

they just wont want to know anymore lmao

i have never worked for you though?